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A New Record (Part I)
Well it is a new record, almost what three months since I've updated, so yeah I got some time to make up for but Im starting off with a plan though if this turns out to be longer than expected I'll do it in parts ( like my life has sooo much going on huh?) if not it'll just be this one so here I go. Well I started the year off a bit differently than the last, well a lot different actually. As I think back to all the thigs that were going through my head back then I didnt think that I would be at this point now. I didnt see it possible but I was wrong, but it's not always bad to be wrong. Anyway hopefully Im about a year or year and a half from finishing school, and it is a bit scary. I guess the small safety net that existed just having to go to school is slowing disappearing and well the "real world" is becoming a reality. Well not that it hasnt been, but perhaps the comfort of some mistakes was still had with school the "there's always next semester" mentality you can say. Anyway I have a lot to figure out. Granted I have good jobs I know that I will most likely have to make a switch from A to B to pursue opportunities with my degree. Although I am confident in capabilities as a professional at times my insecurtities make this a scary thought. In a sense it's like starting over, from the bottom up especially after where I am now. The future really isnt the future anymore and it's basically here. Im not sure where I'll be in a year but I am comforted knowing that at the very least I'll be alright.
Sometimes I think I try to plan things too much and then others not enough. I didnt plan on feeling anything for anyone anymore, to be honest I didnt really want to. But I guess you cant plan for everything, and how much fun would that be? Not too much I guess we do need the element of surprise every now and then. Well Surpirse...lol. I know I have something special something very different in the best possible way. I never thought that anyone would ever be this way to me ( I guess I lost a lil faith) I couldnt be happier. Sometimes I still catch myself in awe, like wow they still make you? I love it though and I know I have a lot to look forward to...
Well I'll stop here for a quick minute and come back with the second or third parts later, high five everyone....
posted by Shaistie at 2:31 AM

 
Stalkers...

Yes Yes I know so why say it right? Where the hell have I been? Everywhere and nowhere....But bear with me as I ramble on a bit, maybe there's no point in explaining things lol let's see where this goes...

Well I have developed a corporate stalker...Huh? you may say(Im counting on the fact that anyone cares lol) but yes I have one now, damn....How it started, a favor... Well December is one of the busiest months of the year at one of my jobs, weirdly so I had a morning off before I an event to cater, well one of my co-workers who also has a second job cant make it to an early morning event in Torrance and asks me to do him a big big favor b/c canceling without replacement would totally suck being that it was the day before. So I agree, I figure that a lil' extra couldnt hurt and so I go...At the event there's this asian guy, early 30's maybe late late 20's who knows, the kind of person with an ambition to have a fortune 500 company but no idea how to get there, that maybe unfair to say I guess but his demeanor wasnt that confident oh well none of that matters...So things were going well, food was great, things looked nice, and most importantly people were happy...Im making sure things were running smoothly, I was asking one of the waiters to check on somethings and so Mr. corporate stalker "causally" comes up and asks what company it was and so on, then he starts asking about me as in do I work ther full-time, if I go to school and whatnot, so he then proceeds to tell me about a company that he has and blah blah blah and ask if I would be intersted, one of the things that is good about my job is that there is opportunity to network ( not flat out make it into a job or reference search but discreetly you know) so he said he'd give me his card but as everyone made there way out, he had left so I figured oh well but then a little bit later he came back and this guy who works there was also there and he asks him if he too would be interested, so he takes our cell numbers and gives us a card and that was that...Im driving to my other job and I glanced down a number I dont recognize so I let it ring---voicemail... 10 minutes later it rings, same number---voicemail, another 10 minutes go by and same number -voicemail...it was him, saying that his 6 o'clock cancelled and it'd be great if we could meet up for dinner and discuss what we had talked about earlier... too insistent, too many calls, did not sound like a "bidness" thing --yikes... the last voicemail said if he didnt hear from me he would try again at another day... Next day another 3 or 4 calls ---does this guy have an office? drinks? dinner? with a nervous hehe during the voicemail--- This went on for a good week and a half...Doesnt end there, see the company was happy with my work and asked if I could come back for a 200 person event they were having, I said yes, guess who I ran into...Damn... So it came down to explaining myself strategically and I thanked him for the opportunity but with my current work schedule ( busy december) and the distance I drove I couldnt blah blah blah, he didnt get it ....another week of calls and now the last one said I'll call you after New Year's to set something up... Excuse me sir I think I was polite...I'm no discrediting myself by saying the following but I dont think that at this point my resumee is that impressive to have someone be so insistent... You wanna know the funny part? The other guy he gave his card to--not one call( I asked when I went back)....

My other jobs have filled a lot of my time... I havent seen much of my friends, Im feeling some withdrawls...I think I just like reminding myself that I dont have a life...

You know what else I was thinking... what I was thinking a year ago...A year ago a few days before New Year's I had given things with R til the end of the year, it was hard because I knew that things wouldnt be solved by then... I think about my emotional state, and how much I was hurting and the mixture of emotions.... But I'm still here, and life does go on, as hard as it was to believe, but it did, Im not going to lie that I do think about him randomly (which I repremand myself for) it's hard to erase that amount of time, but now it doesnt hurt like it did, Things are the way they are and one can only go from there...I can say that Im okay, I have gained back some of the things that brought happiness to my life, and there seems to be a lil extra, K. He seems to want nothing more than to make me smile...

You know what Im looking forward to, my last post of 2004...


posted by Shaistie at 12:29 PM

 
Neglectful behavior...

The week before finals....Torture... the week of Finals...even more so...pile on a work and one of the busiest months in my line of work, um works(improper engligh hell with my communications professor now lol) but I guess it's a bit of a recipe for mental breakdown, just being burnt. Life threw in a cold to make things interesteing and oh yes for the second fall semester in a row I got my monthly visit... SO I say I hate my life... But now that I look at things I didnt break, I could of, I looked like a crazy person and probably sounded like one as well...But I pushed my limits a lil more and I got everything done, Yes I need to stop patting myself on the back...self-absorbed bastard...lol..

To sum up the rest of my month I think I have fallen into the damn workaholic stage...I've been working doubles and Im soo tired and the lil tiny bit of free time that I can conjur up has been spent trying to squeeze in Christmas shopping...and then if there's anything left over I sleep lol, actually correction there's one more thing taking up my time well thing isn't right I mean person...I do have some mixed feelings but they starting to not stand out so much...details to come lol... for now I need some zzz's.......

P.S hope this keeps you til next time Roxy , now try and get back to work...lol
posted by Shaistie at 1:31 AM

 
Happy Birthday Brissa!!!

So what if I sort of kidnapped you...wait can that get me in trouble? nah I brought you home safe and sound lol but I hope that you were surprised ( humor me if not but I think so)...Well what can I say that you dont know... I love your friendship.There to support even the craziest things, willing to go out in a minutes notice ( quite literally sorry about those lol)but good times, good times... Thank you for helping me feel not so crazy in my own head, and understanding the ways of my heart. Dearest Bris hope you had the bestest birthday you deserve that and more.... And you know that night I hope our ( yours, big's and mine's) shooting stars worked... but especially yours I hope all your wishes come true... Happy Birthday!!!!
posted by Shaistie at 11:11 PM

 
A bit of self torture....
Yes school and work are my life...I admit it, wow I feel like Im at an AA meeting...Hello my name is...and I have no life, yuck... If I sound bitter it's only out of tiredness but nothing to do but keep on keepin on right? Well life, lets see last Saturday after the crazyness of the day I met up with 'lys who called earlier and well ya know so she picked XES 'cause when it comes to pickin' it's either somebody does or we rely on the scientific method ( flippin a coin lol) and yes it sucks when there is more than one choice lol...So it was pretty cold out but after a bit we got it together a little and stopped shaking so much and we were just talking and I was occasionally "thinking" --> shush up 'lys... Then ya know how we roll we go through the VIP( hey let me sound a lil important lo okay I sound like conceited go ahead insert your insult here ____) So the good part we were up outta of the cold and proceeded to the bar area, I got my water lol so we're talking near a covered pool table and randomly this guy makes his way over ( first impression screamed gay---sorry) but anyway he was funny and then his friend came over and them two were only adding to the gay theory, I though they were a couple, I was very wrong later to find out... I had a fun time,there was this one guy who I like how he danced, I met a nice guy fun time dancing, nice all around and here's a story for the grandkids I got invited to the playboy mansion--random yes--why? go figure --Granted I dont believe I fit the type at all and just to throw the stereotype out there I was pretty covered up compared to some of the girls there, so yeah really go figure....Good night overall only downside was that I had to get up the next day to run a 5K at 7 am and I'll let you know why when I figure it out... to my surprise (and dismay) it was all uphill and all I heard was a voice in my head saying " but the club was fun last night wasnt it?" and all I could do was smile and reply "Yes it was...." Those are some of my lil adventures...Thanks lys' always good times....Bris' I wish you weren't soo sick feel better!!...
Emotionally, Im not where I want to be...It's been a process. My random days of being able to play basketball again have been a breath of fresh air, it's not so sad as it was at first...There's a bit of a light in my life that makes me smile, that makes me feel happy and although Im not fully ok yet 'lys tells me to enjoy it... I have to admit I did something that throws me back a lil tiny bit though, I looked him up knowing that the season had started up again, knowing how easy it was to, I dont know why I did it, then again I think I do, part of me wants to see if he's okay, I was surprised to see he hadnt played in the first 2 games, It's self-torture really I know I shouldnt and that it doesnt help anything. I'm still trying to figure it out, maybe knowing that he's okay when there were times he wasnt will help me not worry about it when I shouldnt, as much as I'd like to hate him, have ill feelings I cant I dont think I could ever. Maybe it's because I feel I should, regardless of what happened and all the time, everything, I cant. In the end Im still wishing his happiness. I dont know what things would be like should I ever see him face to face again, just him and me, one side momentarily would want to go off but I think more than anything I think there are a lot of questions with why? But I cant think of that anymore and I need to concentrate energies elsewhere, that bridge will be crossed if ever reached. For now though Im gonna enjoy the things that help my life be positive, my friends,K, basketball( including the best thing ever League Pass), etc. Cant do nuttin more....
posted by Shaistie at 11:50 PM

 
I feel like I took a crap backwards....
Okay this is a bit sad how little Im posting anymore maybe I think Im trying to make it seem that I have this incredible life that doesnt allow it, well true I am busy as hell but, here's the but I all not that interesting : work and school... what life? lol..... Let's see I think Im developing bitter feeling towards my professor, I swear this man needs a better hobby ( he's a member of the national resumee committee or something like that amogst other things) yuck! Work has just been that, work and a lot of it, and we have important events coming up so yeah... Here's good news to report though, last Saturday I went snowboarding with Rox and 'Gene you guys are absolutely the best I had a great time, granted I did end up a ll beat up but good times and guess what....I lost my snowman-building virginity lol....It was definitely a good day, lots of laughs ( I couldnt stop laughing especially when Rox landed on something and said I feel like I took a crap backwards--lol thinking about it again) ,pictures, film and I mean snowboarding c'mon sounds super to me thanks guys!!!
You know what? The Thursday before snowboarding Roxy Cheli 'Gene and me all met up to what might of been the last of our lunches :( you know what that day was a good day, I was neither happy not sad just normal, content if you will... Good lunch, some jokes, some shit talking, trouble splitting the bill but it was just nice...who knows if Im making sense.... and for the record, no Im not smoking anything lol ... I thought such a day should be remembered...
That Sunday night after the snowboarding trip I had a paper to write, it was Halloween, procrastination was calling, well no actually it was 'lys so we went out for coffee for a little bit setting a "curfew" to get me back home to write that damn paper... We talked awhile, good times lol... Although I should mention I was slightly creeped out by the Starbuck's employee. 'Lys was the responsible one and reminded me of my paper, damn.
Semester is almost ending I have a million papers due and research projests and Im getting tired just thinking about it...the sad thing is that I actually fully sleep in my bed, getting in the covers and all, like twice a week, the rest is spent in short intervals in my chair, on the bottom edge of my bed for little naps or something Im up finishing this or that... but like I said semester is almost over...
Alright I'll try to fill in some gaps here and there next time, hopefylly it'll be soon....
posted by Shaistie at 11:30 PM

 
...and she fell in the bushes...
It's things like these that reassure me that no matter how big of an ass I can be there will always be someone to laugh right along with me...Cheli poor Cheli, after we found out that you were okay all four of us had a good laugh and even though it was at your expense you laughed right along with us....Im lucky I've found good friends... Yes, sometimes I indirectly cause them to um miss class, but c'mon Roxy you were hungry right? Thanks for coming along you know its always good times withcha. hug? okay no, I know perhaps a high five? I knew you wouldn't leave me hangin...I hope lol...
Today's thoughts:
*why am I bad at recieving compliments? did I miss the
"how to" on that one?
*why cant I sit through an entire baseball game on T.V and
yet I can watch the last couple innings like an avid fan?
Go Yankees? lol
*Men suck
*Damn this sandwich is good--->Domingo your sooo good to me
*Cell phone--->off
*18 more days til Basketball New Year! ( tears of joy I'm well
overdue, Im deprived)
*Spain for a semester?
*Summer internship?
*Rain=cold =brrr=bad.....BUT snowboarding closer woohoo!!!

Neiman Marcus Brownies lot of work but damn, good pick me upper most definately....well Im developing a habit maybe bad maybe good but I come home on tuesdays to chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a taped episode of that nights EVE, good looking out courtesy of my lil' bro. On the real, sometimes the kid can be useful, um I mean sweet. I think he noticed slightly, as much as a guy can anyway, and he's been pretty cool about it, the other day he left a bag of skittles on my desk with a post-it with just a happy face drawn on it, granted he'd kill me if he knew I published this part, lets keep this between you and me lol...

I found out that he went back.... I shouldnt think about it anymore.... guys suck
posted by Shaistie at 11:38 PM