A bit of self torture....
Yes school and work are my life...I admit it, wow I feel like Im at an AA meeting...Hello my name is...and I have no life, yuck... If I sound bitter it's only out of tiredness but nothing to do but keep on keepin on right? Well life, lets see last Saturday after the crazyness of the day I met up with 'lys who called earlier and well ya know so she picked XES 'cause when it comes to pickin' it's either somebody does or we rely on the scientific method ( flippin a coin lol) and yes it sucks when there is more than one choice lol...So it was pretty cold out but after a bit we got it together a little and stopped shaking so much and we were just talking and I was occasionally "thinking" --> shush up 'lys... Then ya know how we roll we go through the VIP( hey let me sound a lil important lo okay I sound like conceited go ahead insert your insult here ____) So the good part we were up outta of the cold and proceeded to the bar area, I got my water lol so we're talking near a covered pool table and randomly this guy makes his way over ( first impression screamed gay---sorry) but anyway he was funny and then his friend came over and them two were only adding to the gay theory, I though they were a couple, I was very wrong later to find out... I had a fun time,there was this one guy who I like how he danced, I met a nice guy fun time dancing, nice all around and here's a story for the grandkids I got invited to the playboy mansion--random yes--why? go figure --Granted I dont believe I fit the type at all and just to throw the stereotype out there I was pretty covered up compared to some of the girls there, so yeah really go figure....Good night overall only downside was that I had to get up the next day to run a 5K at 7 am and I'll let you know why when I figure it out... to my surprise (and dismay) it was all uphill and all I heard was a voice in my head saying " but the club was fun last night wasnt it?" and all I could do was smile and reply "Yes it was...." Those are some of my lil adventures...Thanks lys' always good times....Bris' I wish you weren't soo sick feel better!!...
Emotionally, Im not where I want to be...It's been a process. My random days of being able to play basketball again have been a breath of fresh air, it's not so sad as it was at first...There's a bit of a light in my life that makes me smile, that makes me feel happy and although Im not fully ok yet 'lys tells me to enjoy it... I have to admit I did something that throws me back a lil tiny bit though, I looked him up knowing that the season had started up again, knowing how easy it was to, I dont know why I did it, then again I think I do, part of me wants to see if he's okay, I was surprised to see he hadnt played in the first 2 games, It's self-torture really I know I shouldnt and that it doesnt help anything. I'm still trying to figure it out, maybe knowing that he's okay when there were times he wasnt will help me not worry about it when I shouldnt, as much as I'd like to hate him, have ill feelings I cant I dont think I could ever. Maybe it's because I feel I should, regardless of what happened and all the time, everything, I cant. In the end Im still wishing his happiness. I dont know what things would be like should I ever see him face to face again, just him and me, one side momentarily would want to go off but I think more than anything I think there are a lot of questions with why? But I cant think of that anymore and I need to concentrate energies elsewhere, that bridge will be crossed if ever reached. For now though Im gonna enjoy the things that help my life be positive, my friends,K, basketball( including the best thing ever League Pass), etc. Cant do nuttin more....
posted by Shaistie at 11:50 PM
I feel like I took a crap backwards....
Okay this is a bit sad how little Im posting anymore maybe I think Im trying to make it seem that I have this incredible life that doesnt allow it, well true I am busy as hell but, here's the but I all not that interesting : work and school... what life? lol..... Let's see I think Im developing bitter feeling towards my professor, I swear this man needs a better hobby ( he's a member of the national resumee committee or something like that amogst other things) yuck! Work has just been that, work and a lot of it, and we have important events coming up so yeah... Here's good news to report though, last Saturday I went snowboarding with Rox and 'Gene you guys are absolutely the best I had a great time, granted I did end up a ll beat up but good times and guess what....I lost my snowman-building virginity lol....It was definitely a good day, lots of laughs ( I couldnt stop laughing especially when Rox landed on something and said I feel like I took a crap backwards--lol thinking about it again) ,pictures, film and I mean snowboarding c'mon sounds super to me thanks guys!!!
You know what? The Thursday before snowboarding Roxy Cheli 'Gene and me all met up to what might of been the last of our lunches :( you know what that day was a good day, I was neither happy not sad just normal, content if you will... Good lunch, some jokes, some shit talking, trouble splitting the bill but it was just nice...who knows if Im making sense.... and for the record, no Im not smoking anything lol ... I thought such a day should be remembered...
That Sunday night after the snowboarding trip I had a paper to write, it was Halloween, procrastination was calling, well no actually it was 'lys so we went out for coffee for a little bit setting a "curfew" to get me back home to write that damn paper... We talked awhile, good times lol... Although I should mention I was slightly creeped out by the Starbuck's employee. 'Lys was the responsible one and reminded me of my paper, damn.
Semester is almost ending I have a million papers due and research projests and Im getting tired just thinking about it...the sad thing is that I actually fully sleep in my bed, getting in the covers and all, like twice a week, the rest is spent in short intervals in my chair, on the bottom edge of my bed for little naps or something Im up finishing this or that... but like I said semester is almost over...
Alright I'll try to fill in some gaps here and there next time, hopefylly it'll be soon....
posted by Shaistie at 11:30 PM
